Southern Mental School

Hiya hiya!

My guidance counsellor brought up to me that I had not made a post in a very long time. Um. Oops.

I've been very very stressed lately.

If you haven't heard I am planning to speak to the ABSS (Alamance Burlington School System) about bullying, drug abuse, depression, and suicidal thoughts many students are experiencing at some of their schools.

In writing my "speech" I thought of maybe adding the readings of some notes I wrote to myself whenever I went to Southern. 

So I thought I may write here some of the things I found:

Unknown Date

"She has all of these words in her head

Swarming, so she wishes she was dead

Her conscience, the feelings stuck within

Constantly telling her it's "her only friend"

She skips a meal each day

Thinking all the pain will go away

Her friends try to help her up, limb by limb

And when she's about to cut she'll think of them."

"Her heartbeat gets slower

She thinks it's her time

Sadly,

It's not the end of her suicidal crimes."

I then drew a picture of a girl who represented me with no face. Where her face was supposed to be was full of words including: ugly, stupid, unwanted, cheated, used, dumb, worthless, fat, useless, not good enough, useless, hideous, not worth it, strong.

I also drew a picture of a phone reading

"Me: Help

Them: Are you okay?

Me: Help. Please.

Them: typing"

I then found different notes just saying I was a lot of terrible things. A lot of them.

I found a note that said don't read to children at the bottom.

"Oh my god

I haven't done this in a while. Hey Future.

I'm in Irby's (social studies teacher) currently. I've been experiencing hell lately. I might get transferred, I feel like committing suicide, my friends probably think I'm dead. I want to be murdered. I guess. I feel like it's transferred or cutting. I saved this girl named Jenna earlier. We talked last night, she needed me but later on in the talk she didn't reply. My arm is standing up in little bubbles of pain from hurting myself with my nails. That was because at lunch Ms. Hall gave heard me tell Drew his character Antoin (my friends and I all loked to create "characters" to be in conversation by switching voices) sounded gay. Ms. Hall looked at me like I was the worst person to ever live. I sent Holt a message last night, at about 1:52 AM saying that I was just done with living and being here and that I wanted to die. He probably thinks I'm dead. I seriously need to go see Mrs. Davis and talk.

Goodbye. Lizz. (Don't read to children)"

So um that's just some of the stuff I may read to ABSS...

One of the many books I had to keep with me called a "planner" that we weren't actually allowed to write on like this.

A note to myself on my planner wishing to be taken away from the school 

Some of the many times I went to the office faking sickness to get out of school. The one that says "water"

Was actually to go to the bathroom to cut.

Ugh I'm tired and sick and want movie theatre popcorn.