Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while... Tech week, GISHWHES, starting another show... wow. So today I'm actually going to talk about self-harm. I just read a book called Cut by Patricia McCormick, which one of my friends told me to read a few months before I left Southern. This book.. just..
wow.
In this book you follow Callie, a quiet girl sent to a mental facility due to cutting. She stays silent for most of the book and I know the exact feeling. Callie is me from about 2 years ago. It's crazy.
Today I am sporting a self-harm awareness necklace, an anchor for the anchor project, and a "Survivor" bracelet which I have decided not to take off. I am doing this because last night I cut. Not because I wanted attention, or missed my scars... I was feeling emotionless. Cutting gives me emotion. I guess it's the chemical it releases. It was at night, when I usually cut, and when my medicine usually wares off. When the only thing really keeping me okay is the thought that I can sleep without Melatonin.
But I can't.
Meaning that I will stay emotionless until 8 in the morning cutting and cutting waiting for something good to happen. Last night I thought to myself I wasn't going to wake up the next day. I just had a feeling, I guess. The feeling that death was coming in a matter of minutes. I wrote some stuff. It sucks though. In Simplicity, my autobiography, I have noticed you don't really learn about my personality so much as that I have depression. I'm writing another movie, where I can express my personality through who I want to be. A strong, independent, attractive, awesome chick who happens to die, but dies a hero.
Yep.
Soo.. I guess this was just kind of about everything...?
I dunno.
Love you Chiquita.
See you on the flip side, Batman.
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